How to Self-Love and Avoid Exhaustion

Avatar Series: Episode 1

In my ongoing self-love journey, I’ve discovered “positivity exhaustion” is a real issue. I haven’t WebMD’d it but I’m almost certain it’s a thing. You might be suffering from positivity exhaustion if you:

  • have a Pinterest board full of self-love quotes and memes (I have 3)
  • have googled ’self-love tattoos’ (I have it saved as a favorite)
  • own a book to give you tips on how to be positive (I have a shelf)

We scroll through our feeds and in every 5 posts (including my own), 3 of them talk about the need to stay positive. 
To vibrate higher.
To rise above the negative frequencies and meditate your way through all the messy stuff that clouds your happiness. 
Simple! Wonderful – in fact.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m doing this self-care stuff right or maybe I just have the whole formula backwards.  I spend a quick second thinking about something I fear and boom, I manifest it. Then I spend hours obsessing over my happy thoughts and nothing. 
What extra ingredient do my fears have that won’t translate to my desires?  

Photo by Binti Malu on

My meditation sessions have improved drastically – or maybe I’ve just gotten better at falling asleep while awake and fooling myself in thinking I silenced all the voices in my head. I burn so much sage, I could be the stunt double for Lil Wayne if he ever decided to bring out another mixtape because I’m a constant source of lighter flickers. I’m tired of working hard for this ‘peace and light’ all these self-care messages allude to.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we should live in the reality of our ugly tempers and bad attitudes. I am, however, advocating for ownership of the feelings involved and being adult enough to go through them in their entirety! I’m 33 and still figuring out how I feel about therapy, but in the interim, my therapist has been the Avatar series. I watch it about three times a year and each time I walk away feeling FIXT! I’m not kidding – if you’ve never watched it, do yourself a favor and indulge (It’s available on Prime Video the Nickelodeon channel… You’re welcome).

During the 3 seasons, Aang had to master all four elements (air, water, earth and fire)  in order to fully beast out when he needed to go into the avatar state and balance things out in the world. He has to somehow become strong yet vulnerable; thoughtful but still grounded- a gentle beast, basically.

The Elements Explained

Each of the four elements triggers different challenges and it takes complete harmony (of all parts self) to master the element and exist in a state of perfect balance. Mastering each element requires a different mindset and complete control over the varying emotions. If we could simply succumb to and flow through each emotion, we would all be Avatars in our own right. 

Aang didn’t succeed because he woosad his life away. His success came when he fully embraced all the feelings each element unleashed, and stopped running from the parts of himself he possessed but didn’t particularly like. As a natural air bender, fire bending was the hardest for him to learn because it was the exact opposite of who he was. Embracing the highs and low fire presented without letting the intensity of the element overcome him was his only option for success. He felt rage. He felt love. He felt sadness. He felt peace. He felt lost but painfully self-aware and it’s the combination of all these that made him whole. 

Is that not what we are in search for when we talk about the self-care needed to discover self-worth? The ability to be present in each emotion but not allow ourselves to get stuck in it and alter our journey onwards. I misunderstood in the past that self-care meant needing to be positive at all times and the struggle to smile and wave at everything had me feeling like my own stepford wife. I can’t sustain that level of perfection- none of us should have to. But we should continue to seek the brighter side of situations and as a byproduct, our vibrations can’t help but be raised.

Maybe I’m alone and y’all already have a handle on this but my self-care is going to be a hub for all my outlets rather than a ritual of unrealistic spiritual awakening regiments.  Wish me luck, maybe now that I am choosing to meditate because I enjoy it and not because I need it to fix me… I might actually master this practice and not continually feel overwhelmed with being ok! 

What are some of the ways you find balance? How do you deal with the twists & turns and not become a perfect version of imperfection? 

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